We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
