Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
