Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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