I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
