I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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