you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
