I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
