The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
