Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
