a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
