Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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