careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
