My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
