I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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