i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
