oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
