I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
