Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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