i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
