There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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