I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
