Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
