dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
