my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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