I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
