at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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