I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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