Whatcha textin bout Willis?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
