Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
