she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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