rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
