mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love having hate sex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
