I am in a vortex of obligation.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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