i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
