this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
