I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
where are my eyebrows?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
