After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
