didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
