i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
