Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
