FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
