I cockslap morals
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
