you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
