I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
