so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
