i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
