I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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