oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
