Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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