ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
