giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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