Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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